I'm Not Giving Up

I was scratching my head on how shall I write this post after months I didn't post anything on my blog. Whether I should start with reviews on great movies of this year that I've watched like Underworld Awakening, This Means War, Hunger Games, Titanic in 3D and Battleship or with my deep down emotion which is unstable yet I'm trying to motivate myself?

Oh my dear, April.. Y U NO NICE TO ME? *meme version*

This month, I'm facing the tough moments in my life. Too many troubles and problems pilling up in my life without any warning sign! I was keep telling to myself, things will get better eventually. Yet, things are so challenging. 

I'm mentally weak and discouraged. I felt every time I climbed up the stairs, there is something that keep pushing me down. I thought I've reached the giving up line and no longer I could endure it. Thank God, my mum is always there for me to push me and pull me up. She keep motivates me despite the far distance between us. She is not giving up on me. She reminded me, how strong I'm in facing tough life.

At least, at this very moment... I opened my eyes to notice how eagerly my competitors and enemies are waiting for me to fall far. Who to trust? No one but the Almighty and me. This is the moment, for me to get up my ass and face it. I'm not giving up myself. I will stand still to see how badly life is going to treat me. This is my final semester. I will make it!

A real winner never quits and a champion will always get up no matter how many times being pushed down.

Fear Not. What is not real, never was and never will be. What is real, always was and cannot be destroyed.

- Bhagavad Gita.

maths 1 exam

yes at this very moment, I'm sad... very sad than any moment I was in..

I had my first exam for this semester which is Engineering Mathematics 1 and I actually sat twice for that subject.. The reason for the second time is that to repair my previous grade.

I did all the exercises and I'm always worried with that subject. I have no idea because of what. I'm just traumatized with that particular Maths. I can do any other level of Maths except for that basic one.

I'm disappointed with myself. I'm really upset when I couldn't answer well for most of the questions. I controlled my tears and tried to stay cool.

But it didn't last long until my close friends figure it out.

I did my best for it. Let God handle the rest of it.

3 more papers to go to end this semester.

Dear lady luck, please be with me..

true friendship

do you know when is worth living?

when you realised you're surrounded with people who are always there for you,

no matter during happiness or sadness that you're going through..

the loved ones - your family and true friends...

you know what?

I never walk alone...

at this moment, I could see who are my true friends... 

friends that I never asked for...

I'm lucky to have these angels around me and thank you, God.

"true friends are the people who are there for you unconditionally. they are the people who never question you and support you no matter what the circumstances are.

they are the people worth living for"

just a thought

Regardless, I still believe in true love.

goodbye 2011 and let's welcome 2012

*blows the dust off the computer*

I know it has been a while since I've updated my blog and it is sad for me to let my blog to be abandoned for more than a month.

A slow internet connection though paying up the bill at right time plus with my due dates of my assignments and project reports made me no time for blogging.

I checked my calendar today and it is 31st of December 2011. On next day, it will be a new day of a new month in a new year; 1st of January 2012. Time flies really fast despite I'm dawdling with my life. I still remember when I was in my teenage life, I always wonder how is life going to be when I'm into my 20's.

Now, I'm getting so worried when I realised that I'm going turn into 24 soon. Can I stay young with my adolescent look? I know I'm asking for too much :P

Looking back for what I've went through for this year, tells me how much I've changed myself. I'm surprised with people who felt good with my words and quotes. There is one thing, they might have not seen it; there will be a moment even for the strongest person to drop tears. I have my own moments too.

Yes, when my closed one told me that she is surprised how people shared their problems with me and how I struggle to find solutions for them. Yet, I'm so weak and fragile inside. When I reminisced the moment how strongly I hold my tears when I walked away and now I smiled on how strong I was. I questioned myself for a thousand times, why am I so sensitive when it comes to emotions? Why the caring and loving sense should be in me? Why I can't be like some other people who don't even bothered about others surround them? Why I can't isolate myself from people? Why I can't stay alone? too many whys in my mind. 

But there is only an answer; this is who I am.

Then I realised, I have good stuffs where others couldn't have in them. I'm lucky! I could share the love with others. There is a beauty about love. Let the deserved ones know how to appreciate it and those who do not care about it, let God bless them! :)

In this second half of this year, I resigned from organisations and it is time for others to handle. I'm happy and satisfied for what I have done. I don't care for what others think about that. I got the job and I did my best. Of course, I thank my different cliques who always have been there and gave each other moral supports. And I'm really sorry if I hurt anyone throughout the years. Love you all!

About friendships that I don't give a damn, you caused it! I can't do anything on that. That's me. I will try my best and I put all my efforts to save a friendship regardless the scars. Yet, if you failed to recognize the value? Goodbye! :)

Certainly, this year taught me so many lessons. It is important not letting the same mistake to repeat. If it is repeating then it is your fault. No point of pointing finger to others.

And I'm glad when I have people surround me who care about me and always put a smile on my face through jokes and stories. Of course, my family members who always motivate and love me despite the long distance. Cheers to Skype and 3G phone calls :)

Next year is going to be a tough one with my final year project part 2. I need to start with project on software part soon. Good luck to my friends who are doing final year project.

May all good things be yours forever. May this year brings more happiness and calmness to your life. All the best!

                                              

                                               

With lots of love,

Prema 

unexplained dilemma

Last month, most of my batch mates graduated with a scroll and I saw a relieve sign on their faces. The joy and the celebration upon their graduation was great. I wondered how it would be when it comes to my turn. We will see later.

Then came across along with Deepavali celebration with my lovely family last month which was on 26th of October. Spent a whole week with them and I enjoyed my mum's cooking especially spicy food named curry! I'm a curry lover and I would enjoy spicy dish. 

The koolam I designed by myself for this year Deepavali

Then, I realized all my works are halt and need to get all done in a week which includes my very first test for this semester; Mathematics 1. I did my best but after the test I was disappointed with my careless mistake. It's okay. Just move on and do better in upcoming tests.

Somehow, I couldn't focus in my life. I couldn't explain to myself on what I really want. Though, I may have getting better at some point but still there is something that really bothers me.

I don't know what I want. But certainly, I know what is my purpose. I came here to get a degree certificate. Hence, I should stay focus on studies for now.

The best song that would suit me, It Ends Tonight by All American Rejects. I used to listen this song back to year 2007 and the lyrics somehow explain well on what I really into.

Your subtleties, they strangle me
I can't explain myself at all

And all the wants and all the needs
All I don't want to need at all

The walls start breathing, my mind's unweaving
Maybe it's best you leave me alone

A weight is lifted on this evening
I give the final blow

When darkness turns to light
It ends tonight, it ends tonight

A falling star, at least I fall alone
I can't explain what you can explain

Lady Gaga's Quote♥

Some women choose to follow men,

some women choose to follow their dreams.

If you’re wondering which way to go, remember that your career will never wake 

up and tell you that it doesn’t love you anymore!♥

I'm better off alone

first month of final year to be break

It has been such a long time since I've updated my live journal in here after my early days of Industrial Training.

Industrial training ended in a good way and I learnt a lot through the training. Glad to meet up good people who have taught me more on working life and knowledge. A person like me who is studying Electronics yet no enthusiasm in networking is a sad thing! My supervisor inculcated the interest in me by giving me opportunities to do hands-on stuffs *despite the risks*. And now guess what? I'm taking networking topic for my final year project under my favourite lecturer supervision! :)

Life is all about risk, isn't it?

Well, I'm back in Kuching for about one month and kinda complicated. I decided to repair a subject from my first year first semester subject - MATHEMATICS 1! I felt I've taken a huge risk in my life - current time! Even worse, one of the slots is clashing with my core subject slot. It seriously put me down. I AM DOWN! For your info, I didn't do well for the subject previously so I still do have the trauma. I AM TRAUMATIZED! My lecturer is an understanding person and he let me to skip the first slot. But for the past two weeks, he canceled his second slot and I missed three weeks of lesson COMPLETELY! 

So, now I'm depressed and I don't know what to do besides my plan to meet him up on Monday. Hope all goes well for me.

FYP which stands for Final Year Project, I've not started to read journals and articles for serious. I mean I just lingering around. NO SERIOUSNESS IN ME! WHY?? I wonder that too. My lecturer has high hope on me.

'PREM, COME ON!' *screams!*

My life for now full of twists and turns. Need air to gasp! 

#QuoteOfTheDay

May the sun always shine on your windowpane; May a rainbow be certain to follow each rain; May the hand of a friend always be near you; May God fill your heart with gladness to cheer you.



Irish Blessing

industrial training

Now, I'm in my second week of industrial training. My only word for my industrial training is AWESOME! The people, the working environment and the best of all is the KLIA view from the control tower. I'm glad for being here though at first I was worried that I will be all alone for my practical.

For the fact, I can't describe my real feeling when I was on top of the control tower. The highest level would be floor 29 for the air traffic controller (ATC) room *which is known as VCR (Visual Control Room)*. I was standing in that room while looking at the airport to see the flights (departing and landing). For a moment, I felt so grateful to GOD for this opportunity. Feeling so lucky!

Despite that wonderful view, I still need to learn a lot and to understand how systems work in here *which is pretty tough* *sigh* I'm trying my level best to catch up. 

Its all about communication systems. Almost 12 different systems this corp is handling. 

I will upload the photos of view soon! 

p/s : when I'm free! ;)

I'm done with my THIRD YEAR!

Finally, I have done my exam for this semester. I can conclude I have finished my third year and left one more year to go.

my pre-birthday celebration

Seriously, it was a great surprise for me from my friends! hahaha :D we always have fun together!
I'm touched for their excitement to celebrate my birthday even though they will be having their exam straight for 4 days. Thanks to five of you! I'm really happy.

We celebrated at Secret Recipe and before that Yoke Wah treated me mocha frapuccino at Starbucks! Love it! :D

What else I can ask for when I have true happiness :)

All the best for coming exam ya! Rock it!

Lasagna + Lil Birthday Cake! 

an angel's touch

Seriously, I'm messed up for my FINAL EXAM! Some of the subjects I don''t even know what I've learned until last night. I made my effort to ask a friend of mine and gladly she volunteered to help me who doesn't know anything. We shared and discussed. I felt better. At least, I know something about my subjects. Thanks Herda :)

procrastination is my middle name!

I wasted my STUDY WEEK!! I'm sure that I'm gonna screw up my FINAL EXAM for this semester!

whatthehellamidoing?

im.gonna.screw.up.my.exam!

Oh god! I couldn't imagine how am i gonna face my last 3 papers in 2 days! two papers in one day and then the last paper will be on the following day....

uwaaaaaaaaaaa!!  (T.T)

Dear GOD, please save me....
for once again....

life lessons of my 6th sem

Well, now is the study week of my 6th semester. For most of my friends, this semester will be their final semester. But I still have two more semesters to go. This semester is definitely the toughest semester ever since I've came to UNIMAS.

Conflicts were everywhere.

EXPECTATIONS and CHANGES.

I learned I should not always stay in comfort zone. I have to come out from the circle so that I can accept the changes and least expect.

The greatest lesson I've learned is that people change without any degree. We can never measure their changes. It was hard for me to accept it. 

I learned everyone is not the same as me. People think and act with different frequency. I had problem to adjust myself to be flexible. I'm glad at least I had the opportunity to see human behaviour.

I should give myself a chance to learn. I know I will never understand human beings. I should regret but I can't harp on it. Life is all about moving on and live the present. But if I never learn the lesson then the history will repeat.

I should love myself more than anything else. May be that could be a reason for me to sleep longer. I feel secured if I close my eyes and sleep. As though I've escaped from the real world and theres nothing for me to worry about. 

I stay positive no matter how hard it may seem to be, but at certain point I failed to be a positive person. I was surprised to know my inspirational quotes and positive words in my FB profile have inspired so many friends. I'm happy because at least I've cheered someone and tell them that life is so much more.

I've hurt people around me especially the ones stood beside me when I was facing tough moments. Thank you and love you all. Sometimes, I never mean to hurt anyone and I was kinda lost in my own world.

I realised no matter how many people you could have met and be there for you for quite sometimes could eventually leave you all alone. And at that time, you would be sitting alone and cry out loudly but no one will be there for you anymore. When you realised it, thats the hardest part in your life because you have to stand by your own as if both of your legs are broken. Some people may just passed by and see you struggling. You can't scream for help but no one is bothered to give you a hand. Trust me, after you managed to stand then you will have the guts that you never had before. And no one could shake you even for an inch.

Being bold is very essential to face the real world. Or else, you will be sweep away as dust.

BE A MAN!

Oh come on! BE A MAN to voice out! Don't be such a coward by whispering your opinion to a girl and ask her to voice out your opinion!?

That day, when this fellow tried to insult me by saying my question was totally irrelevant. He got the best shot from me for the first time. I stood up for myself and answered him 'Look, you don't have to be rude to answer me and be polite in answering people!'. He pouted. Then, someone else said he is having his monthly period. So what? I don't give a damn bout it. What! Is he having period for his whole life by acting in a such way?

Seriously, I felt to tell right at his face 'Be a man and stop acting like a little girl for god sake!'.

too bad. he took a wrong decision. RIP friend.

It was a devastating news on 30th of March 2011, after I came back  from a competition when I found out a UNIMAS student committed suicide by jumped off into the campus lake.

Even worse, when I get to know that boy was an active student in campus. I have no idea what was his reason until he attempted to do so. A young guy with so much of talents ended up in a tragic way. It was a shocking news for all of us in campus. That was the first case of suicide in campus. 

Whatever it might be for him to do so, theres something that all of us need to know that life is so much more. Why am I saying it so, because all these burdens that we are carrying are just temporary and the permanent one is only true love (family, siblings, friends and life partner). What I always believe is that, God would never ever give you a trouble without knowing your capability to face it. HE (GOD) believes in us then we should prove to ourselves that we can do. When we fail to do so, its okay we have tried our level best. We should learn from our mistake so that history won't repeat.

Hope his soul will be rest in peace. May god bless you, my friend.

Kota Kinabalu, Sabah

YESH! I came back from K.K for 6th Debate Borneo Championship. All I can say, I had a great time with my friends throughout the trip! We went there on 24th of March and came back to Kuching on 30th of March. Almost a week I assume. On the first day we arrived in UMS (Universiti Malaysia Sabah), I fell into a tiny drain which I couldn't see in the dark. I had bruises on my legs. Then, I need to attend for the adjudication test with a mock debate. While carrying that pain, I need to concentrate for the test and pretend that I'm strong *which I'm not*. I had this nervous whether I will be as an adjudicator or ended up as a trainee. Or even worse being totally rejected. I did all I can do and I prayed whatever it could be, I did my level best.

Following day, I scored an A grade! Beyond my expectation! Seriously, I felt 'Nah, not bad also'. LOL. Then throughout five preliminary rounds, I was chairing. I know, Borneo Cup isn't a big deal but personally for me, it is! especially who had just practiced for twice being as an adjudicator. When I thought my name was not in the list for quater-finals, I felt upset but I was glad because I have no burden to carry on! :P

Then, on the third day they announced my name for quater-finals adjudication. Surprised. Seriously. On my way, to room for adjudication I almost fell again!! Hate it! And it was really funny for the way I almost fell. Like a drunken woman only :P

Unimas team broke until quater-finals only. They are capable to go further but somehow they couldn't. Its okay, at least they have made it! Congrats!

Now, about this beautiful Sabah! We stayed in a lodge at Gaya Street. The place is really awesome and clean! Friendly people! Oh god, theres everything that you need! Though its an old town yet there are new buildings and some are still under construction. We also went to 1Borneo Hyper mall. Oh man! That building has everything, especially all kind of brands and food varieties! Sabah, is a MUST visit place. :)

Tiring trip but the fun, no one can ever beat it! with double heart-attack game card! :)

Everyday I'm Shuffling!

My favourite song of this month! Party Rock Anthem!

Love the shuffling part and the dancers are cool!

Enjoy watching this music video. :)