I'm Not Giving Up

I was scratching my head on how shall I write this post after months I didn't post anything on my blog. Whether I should start with reviews on great movies of this year that I've watched like Underworld Awakening, This Means War, Hunger Games, Titanic in 3D and Battleship or with my deep down emotion which is unstable yet I'm trying to motivate myself?

Oh my dear, April.. Y U NO NICE TO ME? *meme version*

This month, I'm facing the tough moments in my life. Too many troubles and problems pilling up in my life without any warning sign! I was keep telling to myself, things will get better eventually. Yet, things are so challenging. 

I'm mentally weak and discouraged. I felt every time I climbed up the stairs, there is something that keep pushing me down. I thought I've reached the giving up line and no longer I could endure it. Thank God, my mum is always there for me to push me and pull me up. She keep motivates me despite the far distance between us. She is not giving up on me. She reminded me, how strong I'm in facing tough life.

At least, at this very moment... I opened my eyes to notice how eagerly my competitors and enemies are waiting for me to fall far. Who to trust? No one but the Almighty and me. This is the moment, for me to get up my ass and face it. I'm not giving up myself. I will stand still to see how badly life is going to treat me. This is my final semester. I will make it!

A real winner never quits and a champion will always get up no matter how many times being pushed down.

Fear Not. What is not real, never was and never will be. What is real, always was and cannot be destroyed.

- Bhagavad Gita.

maths 1 exam

yes at this very moment, I'm sad... very sad than any moment I was in..

I had my first exam for this semester which is Engineering Mathematics 1 and I actually sat twice for that subject.. The reason for the second time is that to repair my previous grade.

I did all the exercises and I'm always worried with that subject. I have no idea because of what. I'm just traumatized with that particular Maths. I can do any other level of Maths except for that basic one.

I'm disappointed with myself. I'm really upset when I couldn't answer well for most of the questions. I controlled my tears and tried to stay cool.

But it didn't last long until my close friends figure it out.

I did my best for it. Let God handle the rest of it.

3 more papers to go to end this semester.

Dear lady luck, please be with me..

true friendship

do you know when is worth living?

when you realised you're surrounded with people who are always there for you,

no matter during happiness or sadness that you're going through..

the loved ones - your family and true friends...

you know what?

I never walk alone...

at this moment, I could see who are my true friends... 

friends that I never asked for...

I'm lucky to have these angels around me and thank you, God.

"true friends are the people who are there for you unconditionally. they are the people who never question you and support you no matter what the circumstances are.

they are the people worth living for"

just a thought

Regardless, I still believe in true love.

goodbye 2011 and let's welcome 2012

*blows the dust off the computer*

I know it has been a while since I've updated my blog and it is sad for me to let my blog to be abandoned for more than a month.

A slow internet connection though paying up the bill at right time plus with my due dates of my assignments and project reports made me no time for blogging.

I checked my calendar today and it is 31st of December 2011. On next day, it will be a new day of a new month in a new year; 1st of January 2012. Time flies really fast despite I'm dawdling with my life. I still remember when I was in my teenage life, I always wonder how is life going to be when I'm into my 20's.

Now, I'm getting so worried when I realised that I'm going turn into 24 soon. Can I stay young with my adolescent look? I know I'm asking for too much :P

Looking back for what I've went through for this year, tells me how much I've changed myself. I'm surprised with people who felt good with my words and quotes. There is one thing, they might have not seen it; there will be a moment even for the strongest person to drop tears. I have my own moments too.

Yes, when my closed one told me that she is surprised how people shared their problems with me and how I struggle to find solutions for them. Yet, I'm so weak and fragile inside. When I reminisced the moment how strongly I hold my tears when I walked away and now I smiled on how strong I was. I questioned myself for a thousand times, why am I so sensitive when it comes to emotions? Why the caring and loving sense should be in me? Why I can't be like some other people who don't even bothered about others surround them? Why I can't isolate myself from people? Why I can't stay alone? too many whys in my mind. 

But there is only an answer; this is who I am.

Then I realised, I have good stuffs where others couldn't have in them. I'm lucky! I could share the love with others. There is a beauty about love. Let the deserved ones know how to appreciate it and those who do not care about it, let God bless them! :)

In this second half of this year, I resigned from organisations and it is time for others to handle. I'm happy and satisfied for what I have done. I don't care for what others think about that. I got the job and I did my best. Of course, I thank my different cliques who always have been there and gave each other moral supports. And I'm really sorry if I hurt anyone throughout the years. Love you all!

About friendships that I don't give a damn, you caused it! I can't do anything on that. That's me. I will try my best and I put all my efforts to save a friendship regardless the scars. Yet, if you failed to recognize the value? Goodbye! :)

Certainly, this year taught me so many lessons. It is important not letting the same mistake to repeat. If it is repeating then it is your fault. No point of pointing finger to others.

And I'm glad when I have people surround me who care about me and always put a smile on my face through jokes and stories. Of course, my family members who always motivate and love me despite the long distance. Cheers to Skype and 3G phone calls :)

Next year is going to be a tough one with my final year project part 2. I need to start with project on software part soon. Good luck to my friends who are doing final year project.

May all good things be yours forever. May this year brings more happiness and calmness to your life. All the best!

                                              

                                               

With lots of love,

Prema 

unexplained dilemma

Last month, most of my batch mates graduated with a scroll and I saw a relieve sign on their faces. The joy and the celebration upon their graduation was great. I wondered how it would be when it comes to my turn. We will see later.

Then came across along with Deepavali celebration with my lovely family last month which was on 26th of October. Spent a whole week with them and I enjoyed my mum's cooking especially spicy food named curry! I'm a curry lover and I would enjoy spicy dish. 

The koolam I designed by myself for this year Deepavali

Then, I realized all my works are halt and need to get all done in a week which includes my very first test for this semester; Mathematics 1. I did my best but after the test I was disappointed with my careless mistake. It's okay. Just move on and do better in upcoming tests.

Somehow, I couldn't focus in my life. I couldn't explain to myself on what I really want. Though, I may have getting better at some point but still there is something that really bothers me.

I don't know what I want. But certainly, I know what is my purpose. I came here to get a degree certificate. Hence, I should stay focus on studies for now.

The best song that would suit me, It Ends Tonight by All American Rejects. I used to listen this song back to year 2007 and the lyrics somehow explain well on what I really into.

Your subtleties, they strangle me
I can't explain myself at all

And all the wants and all the needs
All I don't want to need at all

The walls start breathing, my mind's unweaving
Maybe it's best you leave me alone

A weight is lifted on this evening
I give the final blow

When darkness turns to light
It ends tonight, it ends tonight

A falling star, at least I fall alone
I can't explain what you can explain

Lady Gaga's Quote♥

Some women choose to follow men,

some women choose to follow their dreams.

If you’re wondering which way to go, remember that your career will never wake 

up and tell you that it doesn’t love you anymore!♥